Here I Come to Save the Crunch…Ow.
April 26, 2004

Given that I made such a big deal in my blog about investing in a copy of screenwriting software Final Draft, it's totally logical that I should write an entry about…beta testing new online RPG City of Heroes.

What's that? I'm supposed to be writing spec scripts? Oh, I am. I've got one here, titled "Shut up, you."

Anyway, I managed to participate in the beta testing of the game for about three weeks. For the many of you who have no idea what "beta testing" is, that's when game developers allow some people to get some advance access to the game before it goes on sale in order to help track down any bugs or flaws so they don't end up in the final version.

I didn't find any bugs with the game. I did find several with my computer. I need to buy some more RAM because I guess 256 MB just isn't enough anymore. And I'm finally going to have to take the jump to broadband, and because my local cable company has yet to get its shit together, I have to deal with the one DSL provider in my area -- Verizon. Every coworker who has gotten DSL through them where I work has told me it takes about 12 calls to get them to actually make your DSL to work.

I'm putting myself through all this because City of Heroes is a fun, fun game, and I hope to enjoy it for a while. It's the first Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game (MMORPG) where you get to play super heroes and run around in spandex and beat up villains.

It's very, very different from other MMORPGs, which I find a relief after trying out Final Fantasy XI for several months and growing tired of it. It's a lot more fast-paced and action-oriented. There's very little "down time" if you don't want it. In game terms, that refers to time you spend either crafting or buying the various items/armors/weapons you need in order to survive battles with your enemies. Development in FFXI was just so tedious (particularly if you didn't have a group of friends working together, which I didn't), that I just couldn't keep any interest. FFXI is a huge, beautiful game with an amazing amount of content -- and it bored me. City of Heroes is a much smaller game, but it's a lot more fun and is filled with manic comic-book energy.

Also, I get to play a himbo. You see, normally in any RPG I play whatever the equivalent of a mage is. You stand over in the corner and point at a foe, click a button, and something horrible happens to them. There's usually flames and screaming. I decided that for once I would go for a fighter-type character who runs into the midst of the foes and does horrible things to them face-to-face. So I made a "scrapper" -- the game's archetype for hand-to-hand fighters. Think Wolverine of the X-Men. My guy, who goes by the terribly creative name of Jason Brass (there's a long, detailed origin explaining why that I won't detail), has "spines" as his main set of powers. Those are sharp, bony protrusions that pop out of your body and stab people in the eye. Insert penis joke here. I joined a group of other gay players, so believe me, I've heard them all. Anyway, because I've got all these spines popping out of my character's body, I can't wear lots of clothes, right? They'll all get ripped and stuff. It's logical! I'm totally not running around in just a pair of briefs because my character looks like a Bowflex ad. I swear!

There's a wide mix of villains in the game. You've got several street gangs, mafiosos (both American and Asian), a group of evil mages, some creepy zombie animators, killer robots, aliens from another dimension, an evil corporation, and other comic mainstays. Strangely, the one thing that seems to be missing is organized groups of the typical spandexed supervillains, like the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants or the League of Injustice, or what have you. However, I think a recent announcement that the first expansion of the game will be called "City of Villains" and will likely allow players to make these teams explains the decision.

The city is also pretty interactive. Through various methods, you can get all the way up on top of the buildings (where you might find some villains engaged in evil plotting). You go inside buildings for certain missions and clean them out of baddies.

I highly recommend City of Heroes to any gamer who thinks MMORPGs like Everquest or Star Wars Galaxies requires too much of a time commitment to enjoy but wants something with more depth than online strategy or first-person-shooter games.

"What sort of hero game would it be if they didn't let you strike melodramatic poses?"