Virtually Back to Life
January 26, 2003

I'm back to life. Mostly.

Never, I swear, have I had a sore throat that hurt this bad -- or lasted so long, for that matter. It felt like I was being strangled. Breathing was painful, and swallowing fluids hurt every gulp of the way. I went through almost two bottles of Tylenol and a half bottle of Ibuprofen -- and I usually avoid taking pain medicine if I can.

So on Tuesday, I went to the walk-in clinic and was prescribed Keflex. He said I'd be feeling better by Thursday or Friday. On Friday, when I felt worse, I went back. Lucky for me, I got a different doctor who took me off the Keflex and on three different meds: Biaxin XL 500mg, Guaifen-PE SR, Methylprednisolone. The last is apparently cortisone / steroids.

I would have questioned the steroids, but I would have also swallowed hot iron if someone told me it would make me feel better. And the good news is, I did start feeling better right away. Now it's Sunday night and I've gone the whole day without any pain medicine. My throat is still a little bit irritated when drinking or eating, but I suspect I'll be 100% tomorrow or Tuesday.

I suppose I have to finish off these prescriptions. The antibiotic I wouldn't dream of missing. The decongestant, I could probably stop. And the steroids look like they need to be eased off -- less I risk some complications. The first day I had to take six tables. The next day it was five and so on. I'll be anxious to finish those, however. Talk about bringing out the big guns.

This is what I get for not working out regularly. And it's what I get for letting too much stress and negative emotions into my life. Changes need to be made! Of course, it was part of my New Year's Resolution. I made an acronym for the things I need in order to stay healthy and happy. LEND:

L_augh
E_xercise
N_utrition
D_ilate

The other resolution was to write. It occurred to me that if I'm ever going to write a book: I'm 31 now. Hello.

Little negative worries with Madison continue. I don't know why, but I keep getting the weirdest feeling that she could be semi-seeing someone else on the side. I'm actually rather sure that isn't the case, but then something will happen that makes me pause. For example, she came over tonight after the Super Bowl game and got a call from a guy-friend of hers. At one point, we exchanged some sort of communication while she was talking, which seems to have resulted in a question from him, and to which she responded, "Oh I was talking to someone else."

So I'm thinking, why didn't she just use my name? Supposedly he knows me, so that's not it. ...it just seems a little weird. Then at another point, she walked into the other room to continue her conversation there. And when she was hanging up with him, I swear she went into the walk-in closet. How's that for weird? I'm a bad person, I'm sure. But then again, it's not like you can't hear where another person is talking -- especially in a small apartment.

Then, there's that very "strong personality" of hers. Mom even asked me about it tonight -- based only on conversations when she and I were on the phone and Madison was in the background. I told her that Madison has a opinion about everything and will back it all up. But at the same time, she respects opposite opinions. So, it's not all one-sided and therefore unhealthy. "Steadily Intense," might be a better description.

I'm not one to take anything lying down, so the balance is there. But, honestly, it's been a little difficult for me. I'm not a confrontational person, and it stresses me out a little. And getting back to my theme, however, I didn't notice that same dynamic when she was on the phone with her guy friend tonight. Very little, if any. <sigh>

This is dating, I guess. It's all a journey and we have to enjoy the present without focusing to much on final destinations. Again, I don't think any suspicions on my part are founded, but it makes me curious. We'll see, I guess. In the end, I have to be trusting, because that's the only course of action. That result will end up being either good or bad. But, if I'm not trusting, there is only one result. Always bad.

These are the emotions and fears that have crept into my subconscious; and I feel like a bad person.

And in my next journal entry, I need to talk about why I can't follow through on ideas. And why I can't even continually focus on ordinary day-to-day things like answering email from friends. I'm sure the answers are tangled in the ADD. But if that's it, I need to fix the problem somehow.

And, and, I'm addicted to another online role-playing game again: Anarchy Online. Filling the time in anticipation of Star Wars Galaxies, perhaps. It's really a hoot though. I've been to virtual parties where everyone's avatars are dancing and interacting, and a live DJ (who is also there virtually) spins music, etc. over an internet radio channel.

Living it up on the virtual glass dance floor. It's all good -- because
I'm apparently not such a great dancer in "real" life.

Now how dorky is that?