Yeah, yeah. So I need to start writing again. It’s three in the morning. I’m really tired. And I’m overdue for a very long journal entry.

It’s too much to write. Dad passed away; I broke up with Madison; I went to visit friends in Salt Lake for a month, to heal. And that visit wouldn't’t have been complete without a healthy dose of drama... Shack, myself and the aforementioned friends went to Defcon in Vegas. Won my legal battle with the roofing company. Started piano lessons again. I’m back home…

Way, way overdue for a long catch-up entry... So if you read this, don’t tell anyone. It will be our secret. Sushi: writing again, in the dead of 3:30am and listening to www.itgetsworse.com -- via Winamp version 2, because version 3 sucks you know.

Why do I HAVE to write again? Just your normal, run-of-the-mill, basic pain, I guess. Not that I’ve been lacking for it these last few months. But it feels like I’ve come full circle. Remember Ashley from the Green Elephants entry? Well, that group of friends has shattered, like Shack predicted back when I wrote the entry. He’s so smart. ANYway, I haven’t seen her for, well, almost the entire time Madison and I were together. Those two don’t get along very well; and I imagine that explains it, even if you don’t take other dynamics into consideration. But this last month, we’ve been talking again.

It’s been a several times now. The first time we talked until six in the morning -- that was after I happened to run into Madison at the Scream’n Bean. I hadn’t expected to see Madison there and wasn’t ready emotionally. Talking to Ashley later made me feel so much better. Another day there was a trip to the day spa. And, she came over tonight...

It was fun: had dinner, watched Spirited Away, I played a couple pieces on the piano and we made a couple prank phone calls to friends…

I still like her.

She is still unavailable.

Unavailable with someone different though. The thing with Helga didn’t work out. Now she is with… NicerHelga or Helga2. And really, probably not interested in me anyway. I get so confused though. That first night when we were catching up, she went to lengths to explain that she didn’t see herself with Helga2 forever.

“Okay.”

It reminds me of a time another friend explained to me, while we were sitting on his front porch (and his wife was actually inside the house), that he felt as though he still hadn’t found his soul mate. Can you guess what is running though my head? “Why are you telling me this?! You have a CHILD! She’s your soul mate now buddy…” Or maybe just, “OMG / WTF? / STFU / K / THX!”

You settled. The whole world is settling. There should be a t-shirt.

Meanwhile I’m still single. Wishing that Ashley was dating me instead of Helga. Wondering why I stayed with Madison for so long. Wondering what’s next. But I just need to quit thinking about it. Even if Ashley were interested, I wouldn’t want her to break up with someone because of me. That would be pretty evil. Wouldn’t it? And besides, since I’m even thinking about the concept of dating, that means I’ve jinxed myself, right?

We now interrupt this somewhat chaotic entry for a special glimpse into Sushi's Internet radio experience. Please give a warm round of applause to New Terror Class. Here they are performing “I Believe It's On.”

Did you listen to it? Okay, it’s not the GREATEST song. That was just a figure of speech, but did you at least…

Jump back! Get down! Come here! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Wait-Wait! Back up. (One hand.)
Turn-turn! Turn-turn! Around. Oh-yeah. We will…
Come here. Wait-wait. Oh-oh. Oh-oh. Mmm-hmm…

(I did.)

God, I feel so much better now. (I’d be in hell if it weren’t for Internet radio.) So I guess that means I can stop writing for tonight. It’s 4:41. Sorry for the crazy entry. I would promise to get that catch-up entry done and out soon -- maybe even to start writing regularly -- but, I’m not sure I can keep that promise. But then again, I may be at that place in my life where I can start making some real changes. So it’s possible. Wish me luck. I need to become a better person! I need to write!