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Reality Check
October 1, 2004

Tuesday night, I finally got home after being away for a month. My brother has an apartment in Atlanta, and somehow my mom and I ended up staying there as hurricane refuges turn vacationers. I'm lucky in that I get to work remotely; with Mom now retired, it wasn't at all a problem to stay.

Interestingly enough, being up there did quite a bit for my spirits. Having a little family reunion of sorts was nice, and while I can't say I was completely organized with my time, I did get quite a bit done. One friend even remarked over the phone that I sounded much better than I have in recent memory.

I saw my psychologist Wednesday (immediately after leaving the dentist) and she had an interesting question for me. "I wonder if you'll slide back into your old pattern now that you're back." The question is a good one. Is there something here which is causing me problems?

Now, Friday evening, I can already say the answer is a definite yes. In Atlanta, for example, my sleep schedule was much more normal. My off-schedule of going to bed around 3am and waking around 10:30am persisted, but I wasn't taking long naps in the afternoon. Also, when I sat down to write something, I went out to my brother's balcony and wrote. Trying to write since I've been back home has been a challenge and I've been sleeping far more than I should, once again.

So what is it causing all these problems to come flooding back into my life? I think it's the house. I'm not smart enough to say for certain, but I think it's the house. The first evening, after literally pacing back and forth, not sure what to tackle first, I decided to make a list of everything that needs done at the moment:

Pressure Wash the House
Sweep Branches off Roof
Bag Fallen Limbs
Clean Side Porch (2-day project)
Get Neighbor to Finish their Fence
Get Neighbor to Remote their Rubbish from my Yard
Hire Survey Company to Verify New Fence
Buy Air Filters
Buy Light bulbs
Hire Electrician for Electrical Problems
Trim Yard
Organize Office
Organize Closets
Paint the House
Reinstall Baseboards
Hire Chimney Sweep
Renovate Loft -- New Carpet and Paint
Fix Air Vent
Plant Shrubbery around Fence
Fix Guest Toilet

I think all of those things are weighing on me. In fact, it really does feel like weight when I stop to think about it. And never mind that house is in general chaos again after all of this going to Orlando, taking valuables, coming home, going to Atlanta, taking more valuables, coming home, going back to Orlando, coming home, laptop break, desktop computer breaking, moving files to/building new computer, etc.

The ADD thing is the real problem. I wish I could say whether or not I ever really had it under control. But now, with so many things undone and scattered, concentrating is nearly impossible. Also, I've read that frustration is a common with people having ADD; I get frustrated pretty easily, and when I get frustrated I like to just go to sleep. That's my coping mechanism, I guess. I'll need to ask my psychologist about it, but I think that's it in a nutshell.

Here's a scene which happened yesterday: I'm in bed having taken a nap and a break from general overload. Finally, I coax myself out of bed realizing that I need to look up the CHADD information my psychologist recommended. Just before my feet touch the ground, I realize that a fresh pot of coffee would be a really nice way to get started again. As I'm walking toward the coffee pot, I see a dirty dish from the morning and decide to put it in the dishwasher before food cakes on it. During a moment of lucidity, I realize that I ought to write this down, as an example of my insanity, and head to the computer. At the computer, I do write down a quick summary and then notice that I have an e-mail. It's about the debates, which I forgot were tonight, and that reminds me that I have to call Matthew so we can do our dinner and work-out before they start…

I never did look up the CHADD information. I did tonight, finally, but I only skimmed the site. That's another weird thing I do: I can search the web for hours looking for something, and then not have the energy or focus to read what I finally find. I did stumble across a link for a site with fun IQ tests: http://www.highiqsociety.org/.

I'd like to say that I figured this one out already, but you'd know that I was full of flaming doggy-pooh. I bet Shack could figure it out. (Though, if you do, Shack, I will never speak to you again. Ever.)

Regarding my last post, I did get my dental problem fixed on Wednesday. He was actually able to save my tooth, removing the old/broken post and replacing it with a new titanium post.

Can you believe that the dentist who put in the original post created it out of silver filling? Filling material! I remarked to my dentist that I thought they would make something like that out of, you know, something like, well, Titanium, or something. Lo and behold they *do* have that. I'd like to find that old dentist and give him one right in the kisser. They also have two other types of posts, one being made from fiber, which doesn't show dark through the gums, but isn't as strong apparently. As much as I tend to grind and play with my teeth, we opted for the titanium.

Before I get my new crown, I'm going to have my teeth whitened. (Because I have a crown on one of my front teeth, I can't whiten them without getting a new crown, so I figured I might as well do it now.) Unfortunately that added a chunk of change on to the original bill and I had to apply for credit to keep my checking account from getting too close to zero.

What a pain. Every time I get something paid off, something else happens. My steering wheel is making cool anime-mecha sounds whenever I make a turn. I have over 100k miles on it (a 1999 Saturn) now. So I wonder if there is a new car in my future? I'd hoped to make it to 200k... I guess we'll see. At least, I'd like to wait until my new tooth is paid off and my house is fixed!