April 20, 2002
Saturday

The discovery channel stole my day. I'm filing a police report.

First it was Mysteries of the Pyramids. ** Hello! ** Discovery channel shows aren't skimpy with their sensationalism, but even so, I'm pretty intrigued. So it turns out that the three great pyramids in Egypt are proportionally spaced like the belt in the constellation Orion? And that the proportionate size of the pyramids themselves accurately reflects the size of their respective stars? And the forth pyramid that was built several miles away from the big three, is where Orion's shoulder would be, given said proportions?

And also, the shafts in the pyramids that don't do anything actually point to the constellation Orion, if you consider the sky as it looked thousands of years ago?

The narrator describes that the Egyptians believed Osiris (if I'm remembering the correct god) lived in the constellation Orion. He goes on to say that some believe the Egyptians were trying to create "Heaven on Earth" -- a model of heaven, as it were. I'm intrigued by that idea; if you were going to create great temples, that would certainly be the way to do it!

There was so much more to that show, but next was Women Pharaohs. The piano tuner came just as this was starting, so I didn't get to see much. But what I did hear was, "If you were a woman living in the ancient world, Egypt is where you would want to be." Apparently, this is old news. Why didn't I learn about this history in high school? My old history teacher will never read this, but, just for the sake of it, I would like to say "You suck!"

He hated me. He told my parents that I was the only kid he knew that could sleep while standing up. "But you know what, asshole? It was your teaching. Not the subject. And not me. It was you." Football coaches as teachers -- whose idea was that anyway?

(Said teacher also thought I was hard into drugs. The whole school did, actually. It was the hair, the music, sleeping in class and always walking around in contemplation. Someone who I later became friends with said that when he saw me he said, "I want to be that stoned." The funny thing was, I didn't even drink until I was twenty.)

God, I hated high school. Anyway, women apparently had rights in ancient Egypt that rival the rights we have today. Women could become Pharaohs. Have we ever had a women president in this country? I'm just say'n.

Second career? Egyptologist? Hmm. It's fascinating! Something about Egypt just isn't right. Progress seems to start there and move steadily backwards, until recently. For example, new age ideas and conspiracy theories aside, the Sphinx is old. Geologists estimate it being much older than the accepted date given by Egyptologist. The scandal of course is that there was supposedly no civilization around to build the Sphinx during the period estimated by geologists.

Additionally, I also once heard (and I could confirm, I suppose) that the blocks used to build the Sphinx are the largest of any of the ancient structures. Furthermore, that the stones used to create structures like the great pyramids get progressively smaller as we move forward in history. Now maybe little green men were using their third eyes to levitate blocks and guarantee a tourism industry for modern Egypt, or maybe we where just smarter back then than we give ourselves credit for, but I'm still fascinated.

Something is up. Women rights are as monumental as the great pyramid. They shouldn't be, of course. But they are. I mean, we've been struggling to get them back for six thousand years. Whisky-tango-foxtrot, over!?

Frolicking deeper into murky waters, my intuition has become piqued by Edgar Cayce. It's been a New Agey day... After my orgy with the Discovery Channel, I was surfing around the official Edgar Cayce website. I'm wondering if the people who study and write about his readings are really legit or opportunist. Of course, I wonder if Edgar Cayce himself was legit -- though again, "my Spidey sense is tingling." (Had to work in that saying, sense the new Spiderman movie is coming out.)

On a vengeful note, while readying about Cayce, I came across a reference to the Akashic Records -- these are supposed to be a universal record of every occurring thought, word, and action. Even more interesting is that they are reputedly accessible. I remember that Chaz was telling me about them one day...

Anyway, because they happened to remind me of him, it occurred to me to "take a moment." I closed my eyes and called up a mental image of his face in the form of a picture. Then, I visualized the words "Poop Head" across the bottom.

Behold my terrible fury!

As much as I actually accept the possibility of various "New Age" ideas, some of it is a real hoot. I decided to write my own outrageous caption and came up with: "Sushi unearths startling new evidence that advanced civilizations are living in deep underground cities." Then I did a search to see if anyone else had done it already. Not only have they done it, people have studied it. Hollow Earth theory. Whoot!

The Internet is a beautiful place. (Shack and I once played a game where we tried to invent a new sexual fetish. We both lost.)