June 5, 2002
Wednesday

"Change is good."

The ways words move sometimes -- like prophecy. You wouldn't know, save for the glow or the way they slap you in the face. It's what was written on the board tonight -- change is good -- at the new coffee shop.

The Black Obsidian. What else could you call a coffee shop with a big black picture and a quiet eye its center. It's not so bad, actually, until you notice the mouth. A smaller mouth, off to the side and down a bit. A demonic sigh, maybe. With dripping teeth. And all of it just staring.

That picture fills me with dread. I'm sure I've had a nightmare about it before. Or at least, somebody has. Still, it's better than the big red apple -- huge painting -- in the bachelor art gallery across from Comfy Coffee Couch.

<sigh> Darkness is a chill you feel in your soul. The nightmare you might have, or had. The folk music balances it out though, like a blanket we hide under. It's open mic night. Two people are singing now. They're fabulous. GREAT voices. Great guitar.

Like all of tonight. Great. The piano lesson? I was completely unprepared, but not worried about it. And it's always so nice to talk with Louis. Stopped in the wine bar after that and caught up with one of the owners until they closed 40 minutes later. Had a great glass of champagne there, learned about champagne, picked up a bottle of Syrah -- Clos LaChance. Then I had dinner at a new bistro next door -- seared Tuna. And though the paragraph wants me to say it was great, rather it was pretty amazing. And the owner came by twice, and once again as I was leaving. He invited me back for dessert Friday evening "as his guest." And after all that I came here, to this new coffee shop -- the Black Obsidian. (Maybe I'll call it the Obsidian for short.)

It wasn't until the guy playing guitar asked me if I was waiting to read something that I found it was open mic night. I met so many people… Well, six actually. Six people that I actually talked with at length, learned names and shared art. For a place with dark (Dark!) art on the walls and skulls on the counter, people were so friendly and open. That's an interesting point. I wasn't the only one meeting new people. Everyone seemed to be meeting each other. "How in the world?" I wonder.

Tomorrow is poetry night and (I'm told) a pretty good turn out. I'm going to read a piece or two, I think. It will be the first time I've done that for a crowd, though I did recite something tonight (Dickinson) for my piano teacher, a piece last night (Curbelo) for Jennifer at dinner, and yet another piece (Curbelo) for two of the guys at this shop -- Jalen mostly; he was the one playing when I walked in.

He is also the one I played two games of chess with. I love chess for that. As it happened, the board was just sitting on my table, the pieces all pushed together. It bothered my aesthetic sense, and besides, I wanted something to do other than burying myself. Reading and writing can be so solitary. So I set up the board and the first moves of the Scotch game. Jalen saw it, walking by, and asked if we could play later. Hoo Ya! Apparently he's only lost seven games in his whole life -- the last two, just recently, to me. Again: Hoo Ya! They were funny games too! I dropped pieces in both games, and he's not a bad player, but I pulled the wins out of my ass. Fight, fight, fight! (Never underestimate the power of two connected passed pawns and a bit of good luck!)

When we were done, I recited a Dickinson poem ("I HAD a guinea golden…") for him, then he recited one of his own. It rocked. Just like his music. Just like Elijah's music. I wonder if they're dating? Can I date both of them? I wonder if Austin would mind? (Elijah is who told me about the poetry tomorrow night.)

Speaking of Austin, hunky chunk of man, he's gone away now to his two-month internship far away from here. We haven't even smooched yet. I was kinda hoping that might happen before he left. He called me over the weekend and I finally had a chance to call back yesterday. (My cell phone is broke.) And definitely I had intended to call him today, but look -- it's already tomorrow.

I would have called him over the weekend but I was still coming back from North Carolina. Mom apparently had decided to celebrate Father's day, Dad's birthday and my brother's birthday all on the same weekend. This last weekend, specifically. It was a good enough reason to head back home from NC, but I didn't get a chance to stop in Atlanta to see my brother since he was obviously in Orlando with the rest of the family. Strange timing.

And it's not so much that I wanted to leave North Carolina. I did eventually get over my aversion to the mess everywhere. And that I had such a good time made it all the easier. I have missed hanging out with my friends! I've missed having friends to hang out with! Having a couple coffee shops where "everyone knows your name" is all well and good, but it's no substitute for the bonds of deep friendship. Love, really.

God I needed that trip! I feel so much healthier. There were so many new people too -- friends of Beth and Kerrie. Several of the guys thought I was excessively hot -- or so I'm told. Very, very nice to feel desired again! --Though I could never get past the body odor to date any of the them. <pout> Note that the guys who were already dating or married mostly didn't have this problem. Austin doesn't have this problem.

That really kills me. I fret about finding someone to deal with my past, but can be so intolerant myself. I'm not sure I could date a smoker. And I've discovered that I've become quite accustom to some degree of "clean." Beth and Kerrie would welcome me into their relationship, and keep trying even. And this trip I would have totally gone for it -- but for the trash everywhere. It creeped me out.

Though this trip wasn't completely innocent. Can a fun trip ever be? Beth and I made out in the little coffee shop there. It happened like this -- there were four of us: myself, Beth and Kerrie, and their friend Colin. There was a table of college kids in the middle of the shop, and a few pairs scattered here and there. Then, a horny and distinctively Southern couple came in and sat across from us. Promptly, they started making out.

She sat in his lap, facing him. Head twisting this way, then that way. Hands on his face. His hands resting on her ass. I assume they were kissing, but then they were done. They were done, but then, she was playing with his hand. I'm not sure what that was about, but it was the googley eyes that were the worst.

Well, the googley eyes were the worst until they started making out again. And then once more. I told Beth and Kerrie that they ought to get some loving in too, since love seemed to be in the air. Kerrie is very butch; but I don't think she's into the vengeance-on-society make-out in a town where the college has fraternity houses but no sororities. (A group of women living together is a brothel, don't you know.) She did suggest Beth and I have a go at it, however -- and we did.

I'm a pretty quiet type, unless I'm with a friend, or friends, with the same in-your-face propensity for brashness. (You need that social support I think; otherwise you just come off as crazy.) When we were done, the table of college kids had cleared out and the couple across from us didn't make out any more. Now that's a good kiss! The lip biting was nice too. I must say, though, there was a little teeth clicking, but I blame that on the odd angle. You have to admire said couple for that.

That was a really nice trip, and I'm anxious to go back. North Carolina is so beautiful. I'm not going to be able to stay at their place, even though I was invited, because I'm so anal. (Note that I completely cleaned one of the office rooms at their work place, since we stayed there several days. Don't ask. It's a thing.) But I learned that I can do an Extended Stay hotel for $200 a week, and one week every month or two I could swing. Besides, who could resist another neck-sucking like the one Kerrie gave me when I left? That's really a nice value-add to the classic hug.

Wednesday. Change is good. The future is back out in front -- not trailing behind; all snuggled up and cozy in my past. Reminiscing doesn't become me, not as a lifestyle anyway. New adventures on the horizon. And change.

(Regarding my last entry, there were many site hits from the city Austin was visiting last week, so I can only wonder! He is still talking to me though. Austin if you're out there, "Hi!" And, I'll call you tomorrow.)

  :p