Thursday, June 7, 2001
Did not dilate. Did not practice the piano.

Woke up late this morning -- about 10am. I'm very frustrated with the lack of training I'm getting in the department. Decided to not attend any conference calls today. Spent the day just getting ready for next week's trip. Actually spent several hours shopping for software (Adaptec CD Creator 5), a new DVD, having lunch, and doing some grocery shopping. Went home, installed the software, made some CDs I'll need for the tip, and spent the rest of my work day organizing.

Left for my piano lesson at 5:30. I've only practiced one day this week. Obviously didn't have a very good lesson; But, Louis and I always have a good time talking and laughing together. At the end of practice, I always feel good. I let him borrow my CD of Claudio Arrau playing the Brahms Paganini variations to compare it against how Kissin plays. Louis is thinking of learning them.

Louis seems to be genuinely impressed by my ability to compose new melodies and themes. Months ago I thought he was humoring me. He said today I should be a composer. That made me feel good. I would actually like to be one day. --Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

The drive afterwards was fabulous. Great weather today. Some clouds and rain. Nice sunset. Had dinner at the semi-vegetarian fast food place again. The girl there with blue hair was really nice to me. I love blue hair. Went across the street to the gay bookstore to buy Go Fish on DVD. I was told they haven't released it on DVD. I think they have; I'll check the Internet later. Thought about buying The Opposite of Sex, but couldn't remember if that is the one Shack told me to watch. Walked next door to the coffee shop. Here I am. It is 9:30pm. Will I get anything else done tonight? Time goes by so fast.

Amazingly fast.

Wednesday, June 6, 2001
Did not dilate. Did not practice the piano.

A really off day today. The person who is supposed to be training me left early to fly out to the server farm. I'm not flying out until Saturday morning. So, I don't have any information about what conference calls were scheduled today. Actually got the information for one and attended, but decided not to bother with the others.

Tried to cancel my lesson with Louis, because I haven't been practicing. He told me the lesson wasn't until tomorrow. Busted. Called Jessica at the last minute to cancel. She wants me to fly out to Utah to see them. I probably will since I can travel with this job. I don't feel like saying good-bye to her today though.

Deb called. We talked for a while. She was going to work out. Said she would swing by the coffee shop afterwards to see if I was there.

Decided to go get a long massage. My massage therapist was happy to hear from me again. She moved her office, so I had to try to find it in the pouring rain. It was raining so much, in fact, that the street was flooded above my ankles. She and I talked all through the massage -- catching up. She is having the exact same relationship issues as me. Small world. We are all the same I think. If only we would listen to each other and be there for one another more often.

I went out to the semi-vegetarian fast food place afterwards for dinner. The food there isn't great. It isn't bad. But, it is priced right and good for you too! Drove around trying to figure out where to go for writing and finally decided to go to the one where Deb might be. Still have all these fear issues.

Started writing my journal piece. Deb showed up soon after, and we talked for the rest of the night. I like her more and more. I better watch out, if I actually fall for her, everything will fall apart. (Just kidding; I think.) Talked for a while also with one of the women who owns the shop. I really like that place.

Made out in the car again. She showed me her HIV- test. She wants me to get one too. Why? I haven't told her yet that I'm basically a virgin. --Not looking forward to that conversation at all. I'll have to go out and get tested soon anyway though. When I get back into town next week, we are going to have dinner at her house. I'm looking forward to it.

Tried to stay up all night to catch up on life. I crashed.

Tuesday, June 5, 2001
Did not dilate. Did not practice the piano.

Conference calls all day long. I hope some of the people on these calls actually get work done in between, because I'm certainly not. I've been frantically typing notes as I listen as a way to keep my attention focused and record all the company-specific information that I need to pick up on. I'm also keeping a running list of names. We have 10 to 20 people on a conference. Usually they are different from call to call.

Had a date with Deb tonight. We went to my favorite "family-orientated" wine bar. I can't believe she's never been there before. She loved it. I'm sure we'll go back, even though it is quite a distance from her place. She was about twenty minutes late though because of traffic; So we couldn't stay very long because they were closing. The women who owns the place did let us stay about thirty minutes after as the three of us chatted about life and about wine.

I bought a bottle of wine and asked for a recommendation. Apparently, I'm learning more about wine than I thought. I described what I was in the mood for, and she hit it right on the nose. (No pun intended.) Deb was fairly impressed, though that was not my intention. Truly, I know nothing about wine, but I'm learning quite a bit about characteristics. --That's really all that matters isn't it?

We walked downstairs and had Sushi since neither of us had eaten. It was average, but was had a good time talking and sharing each other's company. Afterwards, we walked to the nearby park. There were tons of homeless people, and I got out my mace just to be safe. That weirded out Deb just a bit, because I sprayed a little under the car to make sure that it was still working. "If you're not comfortable here, we should just go home."
I was ready to come out to her in the park about my transsexualism, but the opportunity never really came up. I'm really thinking about just doing it in a letter. This is such a pain in the ass. Maybe I should just take Mom's advice and not ever tell anyone again. Just forget about it. That might actually work if my idiot family members didn't still screw up pronouns every now and again.

We made out in the car -- for quite a while. People were looking at us as they walked by. I haven't done that since Marty in college. When I got home, I was so tired that I fell asleep with all my cloths on.

Monday, June 4, 2001
Did not dilate. Did not practice the piano.

I may have been abducted by aliens for all I can remember about Monday. I did go to the Treasures coffee shop and to do some writing. That could be an implanted memory though.

Sunday, June 3, 2001
Went to bed at 5am following the conference call. Set the alarm for noon, and overslept to 1pm. Spent a couple hours bopping around the apartment to various trance and pop mp3s. Called Deb, set up date. Did some cleaning. Decided to add two new sections to the site. Told Shack about my embarrassing dream about him; Asked him for some advice on the new site sections. Worked on graphics and directory layout. Had great date with Deb. Bought a ton of computer books. Went to a coffee shop to do more writing. Did not dilate; Did not practice the piano.

Saturday, June 2, 2001
Mom called and woke me up. I was late heading over to her place for Dad's birthday. Gathered my things, some laundry, headed out. Grabbed some veggie lunch to eat at the house. Played with Pumpkin. :) Spent time with Mom. Practiced the piano. Fixed Dad's computer. We, and two of my half-sister's families, went to dinner. Had cake and presents for Dad at home. Played piano for everyone and danced. Dad's computer wasn't really fixed; Fixed it again. Talked to Tom on the phone. Was late heading home for my late-night conference call. Had conference call. Did not dilate.

Sunday, June 3 through
Saturday, June 9, 2001
I can neither confirm, no deny, that I was alive this week. Actually, Deb and I did go on a couple more dates. It is too late to write about them I suppose. Why can I not keep up with something as simple as a daily log?

Sunday, June 10 through
Thursday, June 14, 2001
Flew to Raleigh Sunday morning, drove straight to work, passed but did not stop at the hotel along the way, and worked over eighty hours. I had no energy to do anything except sleep and work. Discovered that the server farm is the size of a warehouse. Hugged a couple mainframes. Met a couple real turkey-butts, one of whom I work with, and a few really nice people.

Friday, June 15, 2001
Played hooky from work. Said I was going to fly standby to get home early, but met up with Karrie and Beth -- two friends whom I've not seen in over a year. We had a great time farting around the Chapel Hill area before I really had to leave. Deb met me at the airport, and we spent a romantic couple hours on the top level of the parking garage watching planes. It is actually quite a make out spot, and make out we did. She wanted me to go home with her, but I felt so gross from the plane and travel.

Saturday, June 16, 2001
It finally happened. I can't believe it. I'll need to write a whole piece about it. :) I finally lost my virginity. Age: 29.5. Well, technically it is the 2nd time, but membership has its privileges I guess. I cleaned the apartment Saturday afternoon after oversleeping. (We were supposed to have brunch.) --Cleaned up, and had a wonderful evening at her house. Unfortunately, I was still not able to orgasm.

Sunday, June 17, 2001
Deb made breakfast before going to church. I went home and fell asleep, still exhausted from last week. We met and had dinner at the fast food vegetarian store and walked around the artsy-fartsy part of town. We just talked, which was nice. Had coffee too.

Monday, June 18, 2001
Work, work, work. Met Deb in the evening at Border's. I love bookstores. I'm rather addicted to Borders actually. They're corporate, but they hire people with green hair and lots of piercings. That is redeeming in a weird sort of way I suppose. I'm reading a book called "Bird by Bird" which made me laugh out loud, much to the amusement of a guy walking past at the same moment. We talked for a moment and I went back to my book. Deb showed up later, and we talked more.

Tuesday, June 19, 2001
Work and depression. I didn't see Deb today. The entire day was spent working and organizing my computer. Bookmarks. Files. Etc. I've had so many different computer builds that I have files everywhere. So disorganized. After my binge, I got horribly depressed because I'm sinking in a sea of information. It is very difficult to keep abreast of everything. Total information overload. Need to write a piece about that. Louis asked me to come early to my piano lesson and said it was okay that I wasn't practicing. He's the best.

Wednesday, June 20, 2001
More work and computer organizing. Spent a lot of time researching computer upgrades for Shack. There are so many different choices, and there are some things that the computer definitely needs -- like memory. Actually, looked into just buying a new computer, but decided that an entry level computer would be missing several things I can put into the upgrade. Bought the upgrades tonight. Memory coming in the mail. Went next door to Borders and bought more stuff. The Brahms Double Concerto, Benford's addition to Assimov's Foundation saga, Lord of the Rings, and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon on DVD. Quite a shopping day! Meeting Deb at the coffee shop. Writing before I see her. Need to read the first paragraph of Shack's potential novel, lest he strike me down.

Thursday, June 21, 2001
An ordinary day? Heavens!

Friday, June 22, 2001
Had GREAT veggie Sushi with Deb. Well, and some real Sushi too. Went to the coffee shop, before heading to her place. Earlier in the day I had bought some "special" lingerie for her, which I surprised her with when we got home. I was so glad to get it off. But it was worth it; She really liked it.

Saturday, June 23, 2001
Spent most of today still in bed, and cuddling. Had a nice brunch and later -- dinner. Talked a lot. I've had friends tell me about days like this, but have never experienced it. Life is good.

Sunday, June 24, 2001
Had a late brunch at the health food store. I love that place. Went home and slept most of the day. Went to coffee shop at 10pm until they closed at midnight. Spent the whole time writing a heartfelt letter to my brother. Went to the 24hr donut shop, because I didn't want to go home yet. I might start doing that more often. I love having a laptop now!

Monday, June 25, 2001
Bought a new toaster! Life is good.

Tuesday, June 26, 2001
Crazy evening with Deb. I might be in big trouble. I've been cursed with an interesting life! I was so disturbed that I stayed awake until five in the morning. "Gremlins II" was on TV. I haven's seen that in ages. I forgot that Gizmo was a Magui (SP). He's so cute! Maybe I shouldn't have fed Deb past midnight. See, it really is my fault!

Wednesday, June 27, 2001
Overslept. Stressful work day. No dilation. No piano. Didn't talk to Deb. Had lunch/dinner with Jennifer at a Vietnamese restaurant. It was POURING rain. Nice. We watched "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" on DVD at my place. I love that movie lots! Invited my next door neighbor to a coffee shop in the evening. He brought over some coffee instead and we talked. About Deb, about work, and life. He's pretty right-wing, but all-in-all a nice person. It was a nice evening. I crashed in bed after he left.

Thursday, June 28, 2001
Updated the web site site. Did some writing. Going to start posting my old writing too. Had a successful conference call this morning. Little successes are so important when facing big challenges. Dilated, but canceled my piano lesson. Hopefully will work out tonight. It's late.

Friday, June 29, 2001
Got assigned a big project a work. Things are really going to start picking up! Goddess help me not to completely sacrifice my personal life to work. Avoided Deb. Friday nights have been our big nights. Instead, I went to the movies and played VR games with Chaz. When I got home, she had called three times.

Saturday, June 30, 2001
Had a nice lunch at the health food store. And then? An orgy of technology! Can there by any real problems in the world after you've spent so much money on computer stuff? Now I can surf the web on my laptop, in the apartment, wirelessly It may actually turn out to be useful too! Called Deb later and said that I had been really busy this weekend. Also mentioned that Mom was coming over on Sunday. Deb made it clear that we were dating and that she wasn't seeing anyone else. I replied that I wasn't really worried about; The conversation ended on a strange note. Sushi. Drama queen.